To be or not to be.

What was the question?

The Prime Minister greeted Team GB today with a look of relief on his face. He smiled warmly as he shook Chris Hoy's hand vigorously.

He was reported as saying, 'Thank you Chris, I never thought I would see it again'.

Walcott!

Nasri!

Goal!

Russia has agreed to pull its Army out of Georgia after its recent incursion into the country, albeit temporarily.

A spokesman said, 'We were only looking for weapons of mass destruction. We didn't find any but we found a lovely oil pipeline!'

I am the official Need for Speed Underground Champion on Playstation 2.

Jack's appeal against my tickling him thereby causing him to crash just before the chequered flag has been turned down.

Read all about it!

http://www.mmdnewswire.com/first-novel-at-93-3667.html

Only another 50 odd years to go!

The latest poll shows that Gordon Brown's popularity has hit an historic low. When asked for a comment, the Prime Minister said, 'I've always wanted to go down in history.'

Nasa's Phoenix Mars Lander has sampled water on the planet for the first time. A spokesman said 'I have to say we were expecting Dr Pepper or Coca Cola. The water has a bland taste but it's a start'.

Mr Mosley has won record damages against the News of the World over allegations he indulged in a Nazi-style orgy. After delivering judgement, HHJ Wayhey announced 'There's a party round my house tonight and you're all invited. I'll supply the wigs.' He refused to give Mr Mosley punitive damages stating he received enough punishment already.

In an effort to get the unemployed and disabled back to work, the Government has announced that in order to claim benefits claimants must, at the very least, spend 4 hours a day picking up litter in order to get paid. Wheelchair claimants will have special spikes fixed to their wheels.